01 February, 2009

"If the human mind was simple enough to understand, we'd be too simple to understand it."

I have at last come to understand myself this far, that I can’t understand myself! It’s a complex phenomenon, not many people can straight away categorize themselves into the small cocoon of an adjective or two which refers to what they are and what they aren’t. The idea is, there is always an involvement of time and place in whatever we think we are. For e.g. You may say you like blue, of all the colors and that’s it, this is the only color you like the most. Your friends or family put it down in their diaries that okay she likes blue to the most so I’ll gift her a blue jacket on her next birthday, and thus a blue jacket is what you receive. But at that very point you realize that you really don’t like it as much! Reasons could be endless, but for the purpose of understating lets pick a few, like the following.

1. You hate the fact that you are so limited. (Everything you are getting from all the friends/family is blue in color)

2. You do like blue but unconsciously, deep down in your heart, you want people to add more colors to your life.

3. You like blue just as much as you like all the colors, but you associated with just blue particularly because you like the value and the personality characteristics associated with the color blue, and so for people to judge and think of you in that way, you decided to incline your absolute likings with it (may be unconscious attempt) for e.g. Your declaring blue as a favorite would make people think of u as a tom boy, or a person with cool and calm personality?!?

The point is, we are all in the process of knowing ourselves and discovering each day; the constant attribute of our personalities that is ‘change’. As a child I couldn’t really get what was the matter with me. I liked colors, I liked nature and other softer side of the things but I had a tom-boy tag attached to me, so I found it hard to tell people; oh! I do like doing the girly stuff just as all the girls. This was because that very label of being thought of as a tom-boy was more venerated by me than looking pretty or going shopping. May be because men were thought to be carrying more prestige than women! so I transformed my personality and inclined it more towards being manly (all unconsciously, all at a young, playful age when you see gender biased-ness but do not register or understand it). All this resulted in making me someone, which I cant say now that it made me someone which I wasn’t, because may me back then this was what I was and now I decide to change it, and just looking for a reason to blame? :-)

Yes, now everyone must have gotten how complex a human being is! so the conclusion is that we are not just one person, not in just one particular phase of life, let alone the entire period of existence! we are multiple sided, diverse, and subject to change. We all have many personalities with in us. Tom boy today? May be a shy girl tomorrow ;-) or how about an integration of the both; subject to time and occasion? ;-)