01 July, 2009

"Love that we can not have is the one that lasts the longest, hurts the deepest and feels the strongest”

I don’t know why human beings are tuned by default to opt for happiness and maintain a happy disposition. Why is it so necessary to be happy? Why are we required to choose pleasure instead of pain? Honestly speaking, pleasure is so temporary and brief that it can’t be trusted. Pleasure and happiness makes you dependent on it, you are composed and poised just till the time you possess the means which are the provider of sufficient happiness. In other words, you don’t have any control, all the control is with that medium or person who provides you happiness. You on the other hand are descending to the lowest abyss to trade in happiness for yourself. It’s almost like surviving on somebody else’s living. How pathetic, and all that for something they call ‘happiness’, I don’t think it’s worth the buy. Firstly its pure selfishness, second it’s too dependent, thirdly it’s temporary hence hurtful. So basically people who opt for happiness - although at someone else’s expense - also get to meet pain on their way. So let me get this straight, when you run after someone who makes you happy, you are doing the following:

1. Being too selfish about what you want, and your own happiness.
2. Living on somebody else’s kindness.
3. Making yourself miserable by giving out your love (because that makes you happy) to someone who doesn’t require it.

One sided relationships are like this. You run after and chase those people who make you happy. You get excited, you want to do everything for them, with them, to them, and you want to share everything you have with them, everything you do with them, everything you feel with them. And in all that, you fail to consider that the person you are chasing is not interested, so your excitements can irritate them, your dreams are a burden they don’t wish to carry (and should not carry), your chase annoys them, and the only reason they are resisting their urge to put you off is because they have innate tendencies to remain kind. They don’t want suffering for you (or anybody else in the world), so they are being as selfless as it’s in their power to be, they are being tolerant and patient with you because they are happy that they can help someone from being miserable, what pure acts of altruism, and on the other hand, what is that person declaring his love doing? Involving in utter selfishness! I think kind people deserve better. Way better! and I think people who run after other people looking for love should be shot to death, because their obsessions, passions, aspirations for one particular person is not reason enough for the other person to like them as well. People who cut their wrists because they love someone who doesnt love back are the lamest people on earth because their love is not needed, if they are offering it, too bad, but it’s not required and it’s NOT that other person’s fault.

This post is for those people... people who give their love to someone because that person makes them happy. I need to tell these people to stop it right away. One sided love is a synonym to being selfish. I ask you, oh people, to stop trying too hard to make yourself happy. Happiness is an illusion, pain is reality, once you accept it, you will find it easier, to live alone, and not be dependent on someone else’s kindness. Being lonely is not that hard. I beg you, oh selfish people, to let go of those kind people whom you care about, because that is best for them. For yourself, being alone and painful is the best option.

Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self, so therefore, trust the physician and drink his remedy in silence and tranquility.” - Khalil Jibran

P.S.: People who are interested in reading more about Pain and pleasure should read Paulo Coelho’s “Eleven Minutes”. This book has perspective changing tendencies.


Blogger Manish Kumar said...

At your age how can u write such philosophical post one after another .

Coming to ur post you have told so many times that u love pain. Other's don't.

Everybody tries to capture the tiny moments of happiness & when they are gone waits for another such moment to come and I see nothing wrong in that.

As for pain why should a person wish to be in it. Yes pain in life does wonder to our adaptability, mental strength our fighting spirit, our way of thinking but that doesn't mean that we should eagerly await for it to come. When it comes we have to face it.Thats all.

1:06 AM  
Blogger Manish Kumar said...

As for FOSLA's I agree with the views expressed by u.

1:10 AM  
Blogger Phoenix said...

It is the innate need for all living beings to move towards pleasurable stimuli and move away from pain-causing stimuli.
I don't think that "happiness is an illusion, pain is reality". If you look at it, it could also be vice versa - pain is an illusion and happiness is reality.
Your view that one-sided love is nothing but selfishness is rather unique! I don't agree with it, but then it's your view, so I'm not going to say that it is a "wrong" view :)
As human beings we would rather do things that make us happy, be with people that make us happy, stay at a place that makes us happy. And if for some reason we are unable to, then either we let that thing, person or place go, or begin to obsess over it.
As for me, I would rather be happy than unhappy! And going after something that makes you happy doesn't have to be a selfish thing to do. In fact, sometimes it's good to be a little selfish! ;)

12:33 PM  
Blogger Ali said...

In that book he only talks about sado-masochism, which can not necessarily be applied by everyone in their lives, though it can help to a certain extent.
Marya found love because she was seeking it, one way or the other, any ways i agree completely, we are put into situations to make us stronger not to destroy us..
gl hf

6:26 PM  
Blogger The Survivor said...

That was deep.

Suffering is a part of life and no one escapes it.

Happiness is something that we all try to live in. If you dream about something, its always the good part not of night mares.

As for relationships, its quite a tricky one, chasing on whom one had a crush is not bad, but if the love is not reciprocated in the same way it can get one down. I think what should one remember how they went for what they thought could be theirs. Don't we all do that?

There is a quote "Fall in love with someone who loves you and not the one who you love"

9:50 PM  
Blogger brok3n said...

sometimes.....love is just over-rated. =/

10:21 PM  
Blogger Gigi said...

I totally agree with you that love we can't have hurts the most. anyway, how are you? Have a great summer.

1:40 AM  
Blogger Rahul Bhatnagar said...

Amazing post! Fits in perfectly with what I'm going through right now. Going to read that Eleven Minutes for sure....

7:42 PM  
Blogger Rahul Bhatnagar said...

P.S.: Should be thanking you on bent knees. This post basically made me think straight again.

7:45 PM  
Blogger Gigi said...

Thanks Zainab for visiting again.I hope to see you again.

4:32 AM  
Blogger Gigi said...

“Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self, so therefore, trust the physician and drink his remedy in silence and tranquility.” - I really love these lines. Very beautiful. Keep up the good work Zainab.

3:48 AM  
Blogger prithvi said...

okay...ummm......right.....zainab beautifully written first of all, because a dear friend of mine once said, "you don't need to put in the whole oxford dictionary to explain things, just write in a way that it touches others heart. “This article is very close and you might say similar to my view points in the post of my blog "happiness, life and god". zainab what you think of happiness is absolutely true but what you think of pain may not exactly be true, maybe pain is also selfish in a way, I think life is worth living when you live with the truth. The day we know the truth is when we live a complete life. Okay, now as of love zainab, in which ever form it maybe, it’s the most twisted emotion, happiness and pain are a minuscule part of it. There is so much to say but lol, I think am writing a post in your comments. :)

3:52 PM  
Blogger deluded said...


why must we always be happy?

youre right, kind of.

i have a question though, zainab

my must we not be happy when we can?

shouldnt one sided love be okay, as long as youre not hurting the person if front of you?

because well, it would be troublesome if people who fall in love to just give it up so easily.

alone and happy, albeit slightly hungover

should still be better than

alone and sad?

me, expect, reply

1:56 AM  
Blogger Gigi said...

Have a great weekend. cheers

8:07 AM  
Blogger Dawn....सेहर said...

I have read the book 'Eleven Minutes' ! But you waiting for pain doesn't make sense. Everyone goes through the ups and downs in life and for everyone life is a roller coaster...that doesn't mean that everyone loose hope and wait for painful moments. I disagree with it.
Whatever small or short happy moments we have spent one tends to remember that even in painful moments so that it helps them to pass that tough times and that is where one should gather the strength for living.
Gham to sabhi ke hisse mein hota hai
lekin gham mein bhi kitne log muskuraate hein?

At your age this thought ...I don't know what to say to you :(
Take Care and May Allah bless you and give strength to you
with love always

2:04 AM  
Blogger Gigi said...

Hi, How are you doing? Have fun.

3:20 AM  
Blogger Meher....all out to explore..!! said...

that was a real deep and forlorn thought...made me understand my feelings clearly...!!

11:23 AM  
Blogger Sadaff said...

Your posts and I have this connection. Its like I get it but I wish it wasn't true. I hope you lots of happiness and I hope that its more permanent and material than an illusion.

Paulo Coehlo can make a cucumber emotional. Hum toh insaan hein, man!

virtual good vibes your way and update:D

11:06 PM  
Blogger Americanising Desi said...

i have read 11 minutes and most works of the author and everytime he touches me in a way that is indescribable!

i just want u to know that we run after all the good stuff because that keeps us away from the bad stuff :)

most of us will sit and complain about how miserable life is ... but some will be living in misery and yet be looking outside that window which is all hopeful and dawned :)

4:32 PM  

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